The "C" word.

I had my last regular two week tummy appointment yesterday with Dr. Duke at 34 weeks. Since I am rotating doctors, this was the first time I have met him. And personally, he’s my favorite so far. He’s very knowledgeable and understanding. However, I’ve been avoiding looking into this dreadful topic and even talking about it for that matter. That’s right, the “C” word. C-section. There, I said it.

That word terrifies me to no end. I’ve always imagined having a vaginal birth, what I considered a normal birth. My 32 week appointment with Dr. Bailey consisted of him cutting every liquid out of my diet except for water and limiting my carbs – mainly potatoes and bread. I have to admit, I have done very well since he has said this. I have cut out the soda completely. I do, however, still drink a little tea and 100% juice, but mostly it’s water. I’ve done well on cutting back my carbs as both Tyler and I have shoved our faces full of salads and grilled chicken with healthy veggies lately. Dr. Bailey said doing this was to prevent the baby of being very large and harder to deliver vaginally. He said he wants to keep me away from the “C” word, but we have to do what’s best for the baby. And I agree, I do want exactly what’s best for Jaxen.

Yesterday’s appointment with Dr. Duke surprised me a bit. It started off well with him telling me I have excellent blood pressure, no sugars or protein in my urine and my weight gain is healthy and completely on track. I lie back on the table and he finds Jaxen’s heartbeat which sounds amazing. A healthy baby boy. Then he measures my stomach. Not once, not twice, but THREE times to make sure he got it right. And may I quote his exact words “Holy cow! That baby is huge in there! You’re already measuring at 40 weeks!” That was alarming. It doesn’t feel like Jaxen is huge. He still has plenty of room to move around because I can constantly feel him moving and his little punches and kicks. This is so strange to me. Dr. Duke has now requested an ultrasound for March 13^th to get exact measurements of the baby to see how big he is and how his development is looking. And then BAM, the “C” word. “If he is a large baby, a C-section might need to be considered. He may be too large to fit through the birth canal and it’d be safer for the both of you,” says Dr. Duke. UGH.  That “C” word gets me every time. I told him I definitely wanted an ultrasound because if all possible I’d like to avoid a, err… C-section.

My thoughts? I’m terrified. It’s a major surgery and I’m scared of things like that. If I have to undergo a serious surgery, I will be knocked out. There isn’t an option for me to be numb and feel pressure. I have to be put to sleep because I will have a major anxiety attack. I promise you! Therefore, this leads to me thinking how long it will take me to wake up from the anesthesia. By the time it wears off everyone and their mother will have seen my son and I’m the last one to see and hold him. That is not okay with me. May I mind you these are just first thoughts running through my head. I want to see and hold my baby first along with his father. And more thoughts – What about breastfeeding? Will I still be able to do it? Will it hurt more because I’m in discomfort? Doesn’t it take longer to heal? What if I can’t even lift my baby up I’m so sore? How long will I have to stay in the hospital? Calm down, Jennifer.

As soon as I got home, I was on the internet searching for answers and reading other moms birth stories that had a C-section performed. After reading, I felt a little bit at ease knowing and understanding more about the procedure. If a C-section is necessary, Tyler even promised me no one would see our son besides him until I awoke from the anesthesia. We are not making any final decisions until after the ultrasound. One thing is for sure though; I will do what is safest for my son to enter this world no matter what.

Love.